Celebrate Your New Beginning!
Hello beautiful people!
Today I present to you the last post of January’s ‘New Beginnings’ topic.
It was precisely today’s morning that I started to think about February, which can count as a new start as well. In particular, this month is a little rough for me; ever since its day 1, all you see in the stores are hearts, sweets, stuffed animals, roses, and so on. Perhaps I’ve never been able to find the will to celebrate it and feel loved, and for this reason, I always think there’s something in the way — that I probably bring myself to do, from which the consequences are negative. Although my life is always full of people that I know love me, the negativeness in me overcomes my own self's positiveness.
When I was in therapy last week, there was a moment where my psychologist mentioned the fact that I bring negativity onto myself for the sole purpose of not wanting to have pleasure in my life. The reason is that I don’t allow myself to enjoy life because I feel that someday a hard situation will come. Basically, I focus on the future (and its plausible problems and hardships) instead of living and enjoying my present; the latter includes feeling love or warmth from people actually there for me every time I need it.
That day I couldn’t stand myself, not even look in the mirror. How could I’ve been sabotaging myself since forever? I thought to myself. Even though I felt like there was progress, this made it all go down. Again, how did I come to do this to myself? There had to be a change, a new beginning for my sake...
So, this post is about my story and how it is about to change. People, I share this part of my life to make you understand that many individuals are suffering without knowing it, and maybe if there is someone out there who is reading this, and feeling the same as I felt once, then let me tell you something we can all do together about this! In the following list, I present to you all the facts of the process I’m going through to understand and avoid self-sabotage:
If you’re feeling a certain way in which you think you might not be allowing yourself to enjoy an activity that you used to love, or even avoiding a person who’s meaningful to you —i.e., boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, family, etc., that can be a red flag. Perhaps practicing mindfulness and organizing your thoughts a little can help you to identify the self-sabotage.
I identified as one of the symptoms of self-sabotaging as emotional fluctuations. For example, in the morning, I feel relaxed and content; then, in the afternoon, my emotions totally change to sadness or exhaustion. I discovered that this was because without realizing it, I overthink about possibilities about a specific situation when I’m with a friend. Automatically I start saying to myself that I cannot do this (or that) because “insert here a dumb excuse to not enjoy the dinner with my friend.”
After giving it a full thought on ‘why am I self-sabotaging?’, my process to deal with that started when I wanted to change my behavior. It’s a long path to solve this issue, but when a person sets a goal for himself/herself/themselves, one can commence the changing process into a new person, a new beginning.
From the latter, if you ever need help to keep walking your path, remind yourself that people are there to help us get up, whether it is your friend, partner, sibling, etc., you are never alone!
And as always, thank you so much for reading our posts! And remember, in Dream on Youth, we love you and support you <3