All I've Ever Needed

here have been two things that have always been constant in my life: church and music.  As I've talked about before, I've been singing as long as I can remember and I've been going to church since I was born.  The Church is so deeply ingrained in me that I don't have to even think about it anymore; I just know that I'm going to be there on Sunday, basically all day, and to every other event that we have.  My church is my second family.  I often find myself showing up at my youth minister’s door, uninvited, to just hang out for a bit.  Three of my closest friends go to my church, and we've grown up together since we were two.  Church has offered me so many amazing things, opportunities, and people to help me grow in my relationship with Christ.

    Like many Christians, though, I often find myself feeling far from God.  It, sadly, happens too often to me.  I may be at church every Sunday, I may read my Bible every night, but there are times when it's just not there.  I identify myself as a "mountaintop" Christian.  I'm always wanting to be at a high point, to have that undeniable feeling of passion for Christ.  I feel that after mission trips, after a Christian concert...situations like that.  And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being on that "mountaintop".  That is unless once you get off of it, you're in a valley.  I find that after I have a mountaintop experience, I'm on fire for God for a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then I'm back to the reality of life, just going through the motions.  That's not how I want my faith to be lived out.
    On Tuesday, I had a very important phone conversation.  I can't really say what it was about, but it made me realize that the real world was coming at me...fast.  I found myself not as excited as I anticipated.  There was this huge, amazing opportunity staring me straight in the eyes, but all I wanted to do was run.
    That night, I found myself lying in bed feeling empty inside.  All these questions started running through my head.  "Why am I not excited?"  "What's missing from my life?"  "Why do I not feel complete?".  I turned on my music, and when looking through my song list, I decided to play a song that had gotten me through a lot towards the end of the summer: "All I've Ever Needed".  For those of you who aren't familiar with the song, it's by AJ Michalka (Aly & AJ) for the new movie Grace Unplugged that premiered in theaters this Friday (Oct. 4).  I'm going to see the movie next weekend, but from what I've read, here's the basic plot: Grace runs away from home to Los Angeles, California, to pursue her dream of singing.  Her dad was a rockstar, and she got in touch with his agent and decided this was her chance.  She finds herself more famous than she could've imagined and realizes she's no longer in control of her life.  Her agent set her up with a fake boyfriend behind her back, she was forced to do things she didn't want to do...she was miserable.  Her friend mentions to her that maybe, just maybe, she's running away from God, not home.  Here's the preview:

    When I turned on "All I've Ever Needed", I decided to take a few minutes to put everything away, close my eyes, and listen for God.  It was the first time I'd done something like that in a long time, and it's something I needed so badly.
    Even though it was eleven at night and my family was asleep, I sang the words out loud.  Softly enough that they couldn't hear me, but loud enough that I could.  I kept my eyes closed and found myself crying hysterically by the time I was halfway through.  
    "Will you forgive me somehow?" "Lord all I've ever needed was your love."  "I know that you had hoped for me, I hope you still believe in me."
    This song addressed absolutely everything I was struggling with in my faith at the moment.  The song ended, I opened my eyes, wiped away my tears, and felt this huge burden lifted off my shoulders.  I felt like glasses had been put on me because I could clearly see my path for my life now.  No, I don't have it all figured out.  I never will.  But I do know that God has a plan for me, he believes in me, and I now know where I'm supposed to go.  
    I encourage you to take the time to see what God has to say to you.  I've never talked to anyone about my "ups and downs" in my faith, and I hope you take to heart everything I said.  If you took the time to read all this, thank you.  My heart is completely in this blog and I may or may not be crying right now.
    God has a plan for you.  Whether you believe it or not, he is constantly there.  Please don't give up.  Keep fighting.  

Fearlessly,
Sarah