6 Months Gone

6 months ago, it was July 16th. I was at a youth choir camp, and it was a Tuesday. It was my 2nd full day of camp, and I was sitting at a table full of people I didn't know at all during lunch. They were all talking, and as I sat there being unsocial, I pulled out my phone and opened Facebook. I read the first post on my feed, grabbed my bags, told my only friend that I was going to my dorm room, and raced for the bathroom since I knew I wouldn't make it through the short walk to my dorm. I sat on the disgusting cafeteria toilet seat with my jeans on and sobbed. I pulled myself together, cleaned my makeup off by looking in my phone, and scooted out the back door to head to my dorm. I pulled up my Facebook again to make sure that what I was reading was real. Talia Castellano had passed away.

I took this harder than I ever could have expected. I had never met this girl. No one seemed to understand why I was so upset. I cried through rehearsal, and when I told people why I was upset, they said, "Oh, the Ellen girl?". No. Talia was so much more than the "Ellen" girl. She was so much more than the "just keep swimming" and the "makeup" girl. She was the girl that gave childhood cancer a face. She gave it a voice. She showed people just how screwed up the whole situation is. I'd been watching Talia's videos for over a year before she got on Ellen. I tweeted Ellen, wrote on her Facebook...making Talia's dream come true suddenly became my dream.

I don't know what got me passionate about childhood cancer. I can't remember when I wasn't following blogs of families who were struggling with the terrible disease. I do know that it started with Taylor Love, and it was early in her battle. I also know that Ronan brought my passion to a whole new level. Maya and Ronan lit something in me that I haven't been able to turn off since September 8th of 2012. Maya was so painstakingly honest about everything in her blog, and that honesty put a new meaning to what I thought of when I thought of childhood cancer. I knew it was a terrible, awful thing, but Maya's words brought it to a whole new level. When I first began to read Maya's blog on the night, Taylor Swift released the song; I was full of anger. I don't recall ever being so mad about something in my life. How can America and the rest of the world not be pushing to save these kids’ lives? How can we all sit by and watch these kids die every single day?

I follow The Truth 365 on Twitter, and it seems that they're posting a new obituary every day. Kids like Laney Brown, who Taylor Swift face-timed a week before her passing, has been referred to as "leukemia girl" in articles. Cancer isn't some rare disease, people. It's impacting millions of people around the globe. These are people’s brothers and sisters, sons, and daughters, cousins, grandkids. Why are we ignoring it?
When I watched the YouTube special done on Zach Sobiech sometime a year ago, I remember crying. It wasn't a one or two tears sliding down my face type of crying, either. It was a full-on gasping for air crying. I remember wondering how someone could be so brave and so content when knowing they were about to die. I also remember thinking that a guy like this didn't deserve to have something so awful. He was so loving and talented. Just like Zach didn't deserve it, none of these kids deserve it. Talia didn't deserve it, Ronan didn't deserve it, Gabriella, Laney, Phoebe...none of them deserved it. The ones still fighting, like Brooke Hester....they don't deserve it either.

Talia, sweet girl. Your positivity through your videos is used to brighten my day, every day. I still find myself watching those old videos frequently. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that you went through. You should have been able to live and experience these past 6 months, and it'll never be okay that you aren't still here. I swear to keep your legacy alive.

Maya and Ronan, I will never, never give up this fight. It's not fair that this happened, and I don't understand why it did. I will never understand why things like this happen. I swear to both of you, though, that I will be battling with you until my last day. Always for Ro.

I know I've posted about childhood cancer before, and guess what? I will try again. I will continue posting about this and raising money for this and driving everyone so crazy that they donate too until there is a cure. This post means so much to me, and I've honestly cried the whole time I've been writing. I encourage you all to step up and give a voice to these kids. Check out the Ronan Thompson Foundation for ways to help.

Fearlessly,
Sarah