7 Pet Peeves, From an HSP/Empath/Introvert

I’m five or six years old and Derek is the ring leader in a chant of “crybaby.” I’ve barricaded myself under a student desk in the corner of my first grade classroom and am hugging my knees to my chest as I cry harder. All I can hear is their chants. 
***

I’m twelve years old and reading my class yearbook comments. There’s a myriad of statements about how I need to toughen up for eighth grade or I’d be a cooler person if I didn’t cry so much.
***

I’m fifteen years old and my friend Le Anne says: Maya, she’s a crier. She cries when she’s sad, she cries when she’s angry. Hell, she cries when she’s happy. And for the first time, I feel seen.

***

I’m eighteen years old and my first boyfriend and I are sitting in a bathroom crying as we spend six hours breaking up for the sake of eventually getting back together. (We never did, but we’re best friends.)
***

I’m twenty one years old and crying while my dad and I argue. My granny stomps in and proclaims: Whatchu cryin’ bout like uh lil girl? Yer too old fer that.
***

A highly sensitive person is defined as someone who experiences acute physical, mental, or emotional responses to stimuli. This can include external stimuli (surroundings and the people you’re with) or internal stimuli (own thoughts, emotions, and realizations). Currently, from what I’m seeing, around 20% of the population has characteristics of this personality type. It’s not a disorder or an illness, simply a different wiring of the brain to present certain responses. When I learned about this a couple years ago, I cried. What’s new? But for years, I wondered what was wrong with me. I thought I was off because I couldn’t fit in or maintain longstanding friendships. Imagine discovering that random, albeit quirky, trait of yours is more than just being weird. I’m different. 

Now a highly sensitive person can be an empath, but not all empaths are highly sensitive people. While both share similar characteristics, an empath can absorb the emotional state of their environment as well. This is an energetically draining addition to the already heightened emotional health of an empath. An introverted person can also be a highly sensitive person and an empath, but it is not necessary. An introvert recharges their energy with quality time alone or with one or two trusted loved ones. An introvert is not by default a shy or antisocial person. I have the odd luck of being all three. So trust me when I tell you, I navigate a different level of perpetual exhaustion, but hey, it’s me, so what can I truly do? But here I am, writing about something that I’m still learning to navigate in a healthy way as well.

I choose to leave these pet peeves with you:

1. Please, for the life of me, stop telling me (and people like me) to stop being “so emotional.” Sometimes, I wish I could hold back the tears, but it’s just not gonna happen. So deal with it or move along, I’ve got a life to live. 

2. If I don’t feel like socializing, I don’t. It’s not an indication that I’m being antisocial. Sometimes, I just don’t have the extra energy that it takes for me to be in that environment.

3. I’m serious when I say I do not like small talk and I don’t like forcing myself to confine to what is considered socially acceptable conversation. Bring on the controversial topics. Bring on the realness that keeps you up at night in wonder. But please, for my social sanity, do not expect me to be over the moon as you mention the weather.

4. When there’s too much happening at once, I do shut down because I don’t know what to handle first or how to process everything. So please, don’t try to engage me with not letting my surroundings get to me because they do, they always do.

5. Be real with me. Some of my biggest hurts have been because someone was too scared to be honest with me or were scared that I would respond unfavorably.Truth is, you don’t know how I’ll react.

6. Don’t treat me like I’m delusional. My feelings are valid.

7. If you want to be a part of my life, then be a part of it. I do give second, third, and fourth chances. But if you try and throw my characteristics in my face, I will walk away and not look back, no matter how long I’ve known you.

I’ve spent too many of my years trying to contort myself into someone that I’m not. I’m always going to cry at weddings (even if I’m the coordinator, true story). Sometimes, I can hear a song that is in tune with my essence that I can’t help but break down and receive it. I have questioned my self-worth and been told countless times that I don’t know my value when I do. If I’m willing to put in the work because I see something or someone’s worth then I do and it’s not because I have low self-esteem. I simply want to enjoy what I’m drawn to and there’s no shame in that.

I feel the world too deeply and I am going to live in it as well as be a part of it. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.