The Highlight Reel and Failure
All too often I come across social media discussions on “the highlight reel.” It’s the reiteration of “not comparing your beginning to somebody else’s middle” and all the other variants of this sentiment. Yet, are we truly wanting the honest truth on social media? Can we handle the sheer depth of another person as belonging wholly to themselves? I ask these questions because “cancel culture” and public apologies are far too common.
I try to stand firm in maintaining authenticity on my social media platforms, but if I’m being honest, I prefer to keep them as highlight reels. I don’t need to broadcast how many late nights I’m doing or my frustration at one of my kittens peeing in my bed for the third time in a week (seriously don’t know what his deal is). I don’t need to invite the world into the latest tiff I’ve had with my boyfriend or, private as it is, how often we’re intimate with each other to maintain a thriving relationship. So I continue to do the highlight reel because I share what I strongly believe needs to be shared or what I think can be handled by others.
I’ll put this out there: I’m uncomfortable that I can know everything about a person by scrolling through their social media. I have been a voyeur refreshing my feed due to the drama that is being posted. And yes, I have had fake profiles for my own personal agendas that in retrospect are not healthy and not the kind of mindset I'm in nowadays. You see, when I know everything about someone, I’m able to welcome in judgment and that’s not healthy. When I see their everyday thoughts, I’ve missed the mystery. But here’s the thing, social media allows us to idolize others in such a way that a mistake is unforgivable. Whether I agree or disagree with what happened, I find the finality of one person's actions over another’s to be confusing. I feel pressured at times to fit in to what others expect of me and I cannot live like that or live up to that.
Throughout my upbringing, certain mistakes I’ve made were invalidated with “You’re too smart to have done that” or “You already knew better.” Well, I understand how communication works and I still struggle to admit when I need help. If I were on the Titanic, I would go down with the ship in a calm panic. I’ve unnecessarily burned bridges for my writing career that still haunt me to this day. I submit so many assignments to my professors late in my grad school journey because my perfectionism has been crippling me to the point of stressful procrastination at this season of my life. These confessions are rooted in my ability to admit I need help and I am still paralyzed at saying it aloud. The failures that I publicly share are ones I’ve managed to overcome. Why? Because then I can give someone advice when they come to me.
I would be hard pressed to share everything that goes on in my day to day life because as soon as somebody asks me how I do all that I do, I’m too busy beating myself up for not having done enough. My room has been in a constant state of disarray because that’s where my mind has been. I invested in a business coach because I was not getting the results I wanted and I needed accountability. I haven’t had therapy in months because I don’t have health insurance and my coach is who I’ve been processing my decision making with. I’m hardly eating enough nourishing foods because I feel guilt around not doing my work in the manner that it needs to be done all the while my perfectionism is raging in my mind. So I want to remind you of what you already know: everybody fails and nobody is perfect. I get the yearn for community. How can I grow if I don’t know that somebody else has experienced this in the exact way that I have? So here’s what I recommend that I find myself doing often:
Reach out to someone you trust that can affirm and challenge you.
I do this with my boyfriend, a couple of my best friends, and my business coach.Be proactive in finding help for yourself.
I will listen to podcasts based on what I’m struggling with, read interviews with people whose work ethic/lifestyle I admire and wish to emulate, or check out from reality to nurture myself.Perform basic self-care.
Eat. Shower. Sleep. These are the first three things that are left by the wayside and these are the ones I find myself struggling to not place on the back burner.Turn it off - your phone, your computer, your brain.
Welcome in rest and baby yourself. I’ll pop some lavender essential oil in my diffuser and let myself just sleep.
Earlier this year, Beyoncé released a documentary on her Coachella performance. I’m not a Beyoncé fan entirely, but I can respect art and talent. I think for the first time in my life, I was truly able to see her struggles, from her postpartum lifestyle to the amount of detail she wanted (and executed) in her performance. She didn’t wake up and drive to the Indio Valley just ready to go. She put in her dues. Ava DuVernay didn’t just roll a camera and suddenly “When They See Us” came to be a few seconds later, she put honest efforts and work in.
And then there’s you, believing that what Beyoncé or Ava did will never apply to you. Let me tell you something. You are a summation of cells that ideally work in conjunction to serve you and yet you believe that you’re a failure because you don’t resonate with enough failure stories. Why should you only welcome those in? Why not look at the success stories and think of how that person came to be? Why not look at the doors that were slammed in your face only for you to find something better that you maybe didn’t know you needed until you had it? But what I think many forget is that everything of quality is a journey and the highlight reel is just a reminder that anything is possible.