Memories

Music is, as I've talked about before, one of the most powerful forces in the world. It has had such a vital part in my life thus far that everything worth remembering is connected to a song. It's crazy how hearing a simple melody can open up a flood of memories, ones that you didn't even realize you had.
    The first memory I ever have that's connected to a song is from the week before I finished elementary school.  I remember being emotional and feeling very confused about life. Things as I knew they were about to drastically change.  Middle school was a big deal for me, and I was freaking out. I went to buy "Our Song" on iTunes and ended up buying a song called "A Place In This World" as well, simply because I liked the title. I listened to it for the first time, and I remember thinking, "You know what? Maybe things will be okay."  Every time I hear that song now, it brings back this feeling of innocence.
    When I was in sixth grade, I took a 9-day trip to Southern California with my family. When it came time for us to leave, we had a nightmare of a day including an 8-hour flight delay, cancellation of our connecting flight, and flying into an airport a few hours from where we had left our car. It resulted in us being up for over 24 hours and I remember vividly playing "Crazier" on repeat through my iPod the whole flight and drive home. Whenever "Crazier" comes on shuffle now, it makes me tired. Weird.
    Those are simple, fun, and lighthearted examples of how music can evoke memories.  However, not all of my memories related to music are so positive.
    Whenever I hear "Are You Happy Now" by Megan and Liz, it takes me back to this deep dark place I was in for a few years as a result of bullying.  When I hear "Goodbyes" by Savannah Outen it leaves me in tears as I remember the last time I saw my former best friend who moved away 3 years ago. The first few notes of "Change" by Taylor Swift results in me collapsing on the floor as emotions come spiraling forward, since that song has been my anthem for years, through many situations. Hearing "F****** Perfect" by P!nk leaves me trembling as I recall the days of crying into my pillow when I just didn't feel good enough. The haunting lyrics of "A Thousand Years" have resulted in me crying in the car over someone who has done nothing but hurt me, but yet I will always love them.
    How is it possible for just listening to music to result in crying, smiling, screaming, about things that have happened in the past? How can notes on a staff, pitches from another human voice, leave you with physical pain?
    I wish I could answer those questions, but I can't.  In a way, I'm glad I can't answer them because if I could, I think it'd make life too boring. Though I don't always appreciate it at the moment, there's something so surreal about bursting into tears because of a song and the memories it holds within its notes and lyrics. This is the reason I will never stop making and listening to music. It has this effect on people that nothing else in the world could even attempt to match.
    What are some of the memories music holds for you? This week, I challenge you to listen to some of those songs. It's not easy. I know it's not. There are some days I can't bring myself to listen to "Back To December", a song that was playing when I was broken into pieces a few years back. Pick the song that's the hardest for you to listen to, and listen to it. Three times. Sit by yourself and just listen. Close your eyes, put yourself back in that place. Take a few moments to face those memories, and to heal. I think you'll be surprised about how much it can change your life.

Fearlessly,
Sarah