Sunday's Message: Forgiveness
I know every single one of us has struggled with this concept. "They hurt me. I shouldn't have to forgive them." "I've already forgotten about it. It doesn't matter anymore." "I'm never forgiving her for what she did!" Well, let me tell you right now. These are some of the most toxic mindsets to have but why?
Forgiving may be the hardest thing we ever have to do but it's necessary. I am typically one to hold a grudge because I'm so sensitive. Most people don't realize this because I put up a good front but it's true. This caused me to spiral to the point where I just stopped caring about anything, to guard myself. Once in high school and once again in college. For a while, I'm not sure if you could even call what I was doing living. It was more like I was this empty shell of a person. See where the toxicity comes in? This year I've just learned to breathe, ask God for help, and forgive. Anger will eat away at you until you are physically, mentally, and spiritually drained. It will leave you feeling bitter about everything and cause you to say some very hurtful things. This is what we talked about in church, the progression of relational conflict and forgiveness.
The Progression of Relational Conflict
Distance: "If we distance ourselves from the issue it will go away." Wrong. We were born to care. It is just in our nature. Trying to avoid the problem just causes resentment and anger at the other party involved.
Walls: We build barriers to protect ourselves and we shut down. We shut out everyone. This was my biggest problem. I am still a very guarded person but now it's a little easier for me to let my walls down, especially to people who care about me. I've been able to have some very deep discussions with these people and it's bettered our relationships.
Escalation: We say mean things, things that we should never say to a loved one, best friend, etc. We cannot have a healthy conversation at this point.
False belief: How we perceive the conflict. Things outside the frame of trust start to take over.
Hostility
The Major Points of Forgiveness
Receive God's forgiveness. Aren't their times where you don't feel like you should be forgiven? I've begged him to forgive me for being angry and giving up on myself two years ago. He forgave me even though I know I disappointed some of my loved ones and lied through false smiles to them for so long. God loves us unconditionally and will continue to forgive us.
Give freely what you have received. Make a decision today to forgive as you've been forgiven. Our campus pastor told us "you'll never have to forgive anyone more than God has forgiven you." You have every reason not to forgive and you can justify them all but are you willing to sacrifice your happiness? Are you willing to sacrifice that relationship? Now in some situations, that relationship is toxic and you should end it. It may hurt to burn these types of bridges but it'll be better for your overall health and happiness in the long run. Most of the time an argument is something petty that we can resolve by talking but we choose not to. It's time for that to change.
Go first. "The first to go is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest."Choices lead, feelings follow. Make that decision to go first. Be a peacemaker. Talk about it. Remember, anything worth having isn't easy.